This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
