If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
