What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
