I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
