i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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