She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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