went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
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you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
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I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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