i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
