Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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