No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize
