I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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