Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
