my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
