I'm really into asian looking animals
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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