every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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