We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
