I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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