some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
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