so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
