anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I will be naked everywhere
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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