What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I think my fart just growled at me.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
