This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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