her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
this hospital has no fireball
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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