Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
