I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
