a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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