he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
