I bet he comes in French.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
