Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
