if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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