You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
