If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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