RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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