who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
