what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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