I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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