i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
