She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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