Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
