My friends, they love my intelligence
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
