dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
