Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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