I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i already hear my dad disowning me
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
