I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
