if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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