She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
