Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
