You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
