It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He has the fingertips of a God
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