he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
