a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
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