She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
