So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
