god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
