I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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