Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
