Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
