I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
