you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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