i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
im holly from the hills drunk
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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