giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
