i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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