dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
