I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
