Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
