remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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