drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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