Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
