I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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