mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
All the doctor said was why
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
