Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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