so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
he high fived his dick after we had sex
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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