So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
not ubering you a puppy
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
